His Until Indefinitely

Together with 2014, some things I love dearly ended, too.

No matter how much I wanted to start this year on a good note, someone preeminent just won’t let one bitch get her way and have a merry 2015. But what I learned is, when life gives you a broken heart, make a fucking soundtrack from the sound of your heart breaking. 

Instead of explaining how we ended, what went wrong, and telling all the bullshit we went through, I’m going to give you our moments of bliss, the awesome thrills we had during these last four months and the contentment I built within myself when he was around. Around being not literal.

(Author’s Note: No, we were not in a relationship. We just considered each other special.)

So here goes nothing…

I like me some smart man. And I know a smart man when I see one. And when I had the chance to talk to him, I knew I had me some really, really smart man and I wasn’t going to pass on on such a guy.

So we started talking. I might just have put a little effort on our conversations before just so we could talk for a long while. Mehehe.

From all the conversations we had, I learned that he could be as sarcastic as me. I also learned that he does not have a raspy voice I would have liked on mah man. But he became an exception, baby. Oh boy, wasn’t he an exception. After 25 days of constant communication, we finally decided to go out on a date.

Man, was it awesome.

There were holding hands. There were movie dates. There were kisses on the forehead. There were pigging out dates except that he was the only one pigging out while I pseudo-dieted. Don’t we all want to be prim and proper in front of a guy we like? Hahaha. Maybe not.

Apparently, I got over it and finally ate everything I could until I was full although my plate, still, never got totally leftover-free. While there was him who never gets satisfaction on a single plate. It has to be two. Maybe more.

I was so sure I loved him. From all the things that he was, I loved him.

My Christmas was happy. My New Year was happy. Then this very moment came and whatever we had between us finally came to an end.

I am not happy. I am beyond upset. Nonetheless, I am still grateful that I can finally have some breather. I must be honest to myself and say that there was suffocation. In the lack of assurance. And in the constant indifference. But that is beyond us now.

I will never nurse hatred towards him. Rather, I wish him bliss and everything that he wants in life. I’m pretty sure I am not holding anger towards him. More than that is fear. Fear that if he tries to get back, there’s no questioning that I will take him back.

Fuck what love does to you, right?


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